People who haven’t experienced problems are the most judgmental.

Which includes first timers.

There’s been a lot of anti birth plan judgement going around in my life. It’s always irritated me. It seems to mostly come from people who haven’t had issues they felt could have been avoided.
Now, this time I hardly have a birth plan at all, because there’s no point.

There’s a lot more anti-birth plan talk than there are people being sad that every little thing didn’t go how they imagined it, though I have seen a little of that.

Some people seem to think a birth plan is a detailed document outlining how the expectant mother wants every thing to go. Pretty much everyone has a birth plan, even if they aren’t writing up some manifesto. It might be exactly in line with what your medical team will do, so you hardly need to tell or ask them anything, or it might be very different from their normal operating procedure, so you need to ask for things outside the norm. It’s a good excuse to do some research into what is the norm at where you will be birthing, what will be accommodated, and make educated decisions into what you think is best for you.

My original birth plan was very much in line with normal operating procedure for my area (though I gather fairly different from in much of the US). I didn’t have to worry about making my wishes explicitly known, or going against standard procedure on a variety of things, though I had discussed them with my care providers. There was very little that I got off of it despite that.

With my second birth plan, because of the nature of my first birth, I had to argue quite a lot my entire pregnancy to be able to not be strapped to a bed. Since my first birth involved about 10 people in my room holding me still because the bed was broken and rocked if I moved at all, and that upset the belly monitor, including 2 sets of people trying to fit IV’s that kept falling out (I ended up with I think 4 different IV insertion points?), and ending up with one in my neck I was rather keen to not be attached to a bed. So mobility was a big part of my birth plan. In the end when it came down to being strapped to a bed and told it would probably end in a section anyhow, or having a repeat emergency section I opted for the section. My second time birth plan was about avoiding things I saw as traumatizing. Which I mostly did, but I still don’t feel right or happy with how things turned out.

With my 3rd I have very low expectations. It’s disappointing for me because there are birthing related things I can never have because of how my birth has to go. Not because it’s necessarily dangerous, but because rules are more flexible in the delivery room than they are in the operating room. But I still have a birth plan. And so does pretty much everyone else. Everyone whose birth plan is get the baby out, is fine with the way their medical team and hospital does things. Those who want things done differently are not wrong and certainly have reasons.

Hello again.

Seeing as I got busy and uninterested and sort of abandoned this blog.

So what’s happened since last time?

We moved. I kept my job but changed my hours.

Thing 1 turned 4 (stay tuned for birthday cake post, it was pretty cool).

Thing 2 turned 2.

Thing 3 is coming in January (and it’s another girl, so there’s that). Which has reopened all my insecurities about that.

I’ve been engaging in more passive entertainment rather than writing for the blog. I do feel blogging is a bit navel-gazey for me because I don’t have a big readership and don’t want to go get one.

So more from me soon. I’ve been writing but just not sharing so much.

Fire in the belly

When I first became a parent I had problems. Big ones from my point of view. I engaged in (online) communities and provided helpful (well I intended it to be helpful) information to people who were asking about similar issues. I experienced judgement, harassment and general meanness as a result of my problems and my openness about them. I cried a lot because people were mean.

I started a blog about my issues and had a lot of motivation to ‘spread the word’ initially. Then I attracted a crazy or two, was personally harassed by another mommyblogger and just decided I didn’t have time for that kind of bullshit.

So now? I do not care. Occasionally I am moved to provide someone with information on a casual basis, but mostly I am just getting on with my life and hoping that no one decides to harass me again. What the hell happened to me? Is it the prolonged lack of sleep? Am I traumatized by casual cruelty, made gunshy by hostility? It’s rather that I no longer have that fire in the belly. I am not evangelical, and perhaps I never was, but I just don’t have the drive to add my voice to the mix any longer.

I was approached a while ago about becoming a  Breastfeeding Peer Counselor and my response was unhesitantly absolutely not. No time, and no interest. Though I liked having breastfeeding support I find the attitude of breastfeeding supporters fairly tiresome eventually. There’s always sniping about ‘Those Women’. The ones that lack education, initiative, motivation or whatever else they obviously lack (sarcasm– because they must be lacking something if they don’t want to) to breastfeed and fight for it. I fought for it but that was my struggle. Let them have their own choices based on what they know at the time. I don’t have it in my to argue over people who mean well but have their own agenda to push, nor do I want to become someone who means well but does harm by not listening or having my own interests to push. Similarly I was approached to promote my other blog and I declined and even eventually shut that blog down. Even though it’s a good resource, in my opinion, and I still link it when people ask about something I wrote up at one point, I just can’t be bothered with the hassle that comes with promotion (harassment, potential stalkers and doxxers, not to mention regular contributions).

I am a part of an online group for a fairly specific ailment. Though I can now probably diagnose it myself and haven’t ever really gotten help from the group, for some reason I haven’t left. There’s a fascinating thing going on where I can see overly crunchy, image concerned mothers with an issue preventing them from leading picturebook lives ‘doing their research’. And it’s freaky. I mean, lots of grasping at straws, no medical help, bizarre conjecture, pseudoscience being passed around as fact, self blame for the issue (that comes up a lot), and just people woefully educated in the ways of reason. A lot of the time it seems like a frenzy of the blind leading the blind and jumping to conclusions, which then are paraded as fact. It’s very surreal to watch. Some sort of groupthink problem solving because of a vacuum of medical assistance in an age where people have come to expect distinct diagnoses for every bump in the road.

But people there have passion. They want to understand and fix, prevent, and educate. I used to feel like that. Even about this specific issue.  I just can’t get that drive back. I think going through two children, looking for help and not getting any has drained me.  We are working toward another one and I have the intention to make one last ditch effort to get some understanding for my problems.  But I also have a sense of how and when to cut my losses and make do.  It’s what I did with Thing 1 and 2 and things haven’t worked out storybook, but they have worked out better than other people expected because of my education and effort. I feel like it’s more than good enough given everything. I like to think that having a science education I can evaluate information based on source and methodology and not just believe in crackpot things emotionally, but I may be mildly deluded.

I like to say that now I finally have my ‘fuck you judgy-mcjudgerson’ big girl pants on, though I worry that it’s really me not getting too invested in anything so that people stay out of my business and stop casually hurting me over something I’m doing my best with. Such is modern parenting. Put your big girl pants on or go home and cry.

Help, I’m a Pinterest Mom

Just kidding, I don’t even have a Pinterest account. But I have been dubbed a ‘creative mom’ (said in a slightly derogatory way, hard to explain), and told I have too much free time because of my sewing, painting and other decorative activities I bestow on my children. I have painted on plain black shoes, sewn various articles of clothing (monsterfaces and skirts), and similar. I guess the critical things I hear (your mommy has too much time etc), is just jealousy manifesting over time, ability or the impression that I am making someone else look or feel inferior for not doing those things.

😦

What I’ve found is that I do do Pinterest worthy things (I guess, as I said, I don’t look at it other than having it linked at me on my Facebook feed), but I do them to occupy my kids. See, my kids are  in daycare. But only part time. Daycare is whole days full of drawing and crafts and activities. On the days I am at home with my kids they are bored. Sitting around while Momma frantically does laundry and cooks is not a whole lot of fun apparently. Gosh, who knew? The kids come to expect crafts and activities and all I have is boring old chores. Thing 1 is particularly annoying with wanting to be entertained. This means ME drawing her pictures, playing with playdough etc while she watches and tells me what to do. I dislike this immensely. So I’m always scavenging for activities that she will do with minimal input from me. So far painting is a bust.  This includes on paper, pinecones and cookies. I had this idea that we would make salt dough Christmas ornaments, but I figure that will go badly too. Still going to do it and then kick myself later.

I often feel like scum because I’m trying to set her up with these various crafty activities and she wants me to do it under her direction, so I end up growling at her because obviously I want her to do it, I mean that’s the point and all, and then I just feel bad because I’m trying to get her to do stuff that’s supposed to be fun and then I’m being grumpy at her.  Sigh.

But, yeah. I had this revelation after seeing someone say they set out to be a Pinterest mom and how they don’t have time/their kid isn’t able or inclined and it just makes them bitter because they felt like thinking up wacky crafts to do with, at, or for your kids was an integral part of motherhood. First off that attitude boggles me. Secondly, I do wacky crafts to get my kids off my back so I can hang laundry without having to pull rocks and dirt out of someone’s mouth.  Priorities…

Everyday sexism, preschool edition

So today Thing 1 was excitedly telling a story to some daycare teachers.  She often does this. Today we saw a snail on the way to get in the car to go to daycare. It was crawling along doing the snail thing. It was exciting for kids (as she often refers to herself in the third person). So Thing 1 launched into a charming story about how the snail was going to turn us into zombies, but we would be safe in the car, but then the zombies would get us anyhow. I know, being involved in the things she watches and sees, that this story is part based on her imagination, but part based on an episode of Spongebob Squarepants. Anyhow, we go to daycare and are dropping Thing 2 off in her area, and Thing 1 launches into a modified story about how we saw a snail and it was going to bite us and turn us into zombies and so on and one of the daycare teachers asked her if the older boys had come up with that idea.  Thing 1 said no and continued talking about it,  but I was pretty annoyed and not even sure how to respond. Girl has inventive idea, so it must have come from a boy? What? I feel like I’m being a little alarmist, but on the other hand, I found the daycare teacher’s response more than a little discomfiting. I often put up with sexism in some situations (because it’s just easier than arguing-for example the inlaws are coming to visit and I know I’m going to be sitting in the back seat so that my father in law can sit in the front- whilst my husband drives because the rental car is in his name-because FIL’s manhood gets threatened over stupid shit. I just look at me having to sit in the back so he can sit in the front as my father in law’s stupid insecurity, not as sexism. Though it totally is. Rationalization ahoy!), but I don’t want it ingrained in my kids. I want to be able to address unfair assumptions aimed at them. I still feel like I’m having an overreaction, but on the other hand I wish I had said something. Argh.

I mostly like the daycare, though I like the baby side (where Thing 2 hangs out and where this incident happened) somewhat less. I considered pulling Thing 2 out and finding her a different carer for a few months after I went back to work for assorted reasons. I have certainly seen other incidences of baby variety sexism from the teachers on that side. Teachers telling the boys not to hit girls rather than a generic don’t hit and so on.  I know my girl is a beast and will hit other babies. She doesn’t need any excuses made for her, she needs to grow out of it and learn not to do it. Part of me wants to feel like it doesn’t matter because the kids are under two years old, not particularly verbal, and not really cognizant of societal issues, but it does rub me the wrong way to hear things like that. I think a big problem is I’m not sure how to address it with the teachers, if at all. Let it slide because the kids are too little to know, address it and come off as a crazy bitch, what?  I’m glad I haven’t seen any of that sort of thing from Thing 1’s teachers or I really would have to step in.

I’m fortunate that I can be picky about daycare to some extent, so I guess this will go on the list of things to look out for in our next daycare. Gender equality? Check.

Monsterface

I had a cute idea the other day. I was thinking of things I could decorate the butt of some pants I was making for Thing 2 with. I thought about ruffles but I have a fundamental dislike of ruffle butts. I think it comes from dressing little girls in too short dresses and expecting to see their ruffled bloomers or underwear. Something about that really rubs me the wrong way. Like it’s cutesy sexualization. So no butt ruffles. Logically you would think that this should extend to all butt decorations. Maybe if I were being rational it would. But it doesn’t seem to.

Anyhow, I had the idea that I could sew on cute monster faces. Some scissor time and sewing later and I made enough eyes and teeth for a pair of pants for Thing 2 and a shirt (stock unfavourite black tee from Kmart. Much cheaper at $6 than me trying to sew my own shirt) for Thing 1.

It was very easy. I didn’t take pictures during, but I should be able to describe the process.

Cut some circles for eyes. Cut some smaller circles for pupils. Sew the pupils to the eyeballs.

Draw some jagged teeth on a folded piece of cloth. Sew along the lines and then turn inside out so the stitching is hidden.

Sew the top of the teeth/mouth on. Leave the bottoms of the teeth hanging loose.

Sew the eyeballs on.

All done!

Pictures:

Yeah it’s a bit blurry..

Now, some things I took into account: Eyeballs are not on boobies. I lowered them a bit so they are more on the belly. Adjust according to child.

One thing I should have done was raise the eyeballs and teeth on the pants. They curl under a bit too much. The eyes should be up closer to the waistband.  There are likely to be more of these though. So sew and learn I guess.

Fighting the woo

When you, or especially your child, has one of those problems not well recognized or treated by modern medicine there is a strong push to retreat into woo. Woo? Woo is pseudoscience, anecdata, do it yourself remedies and non-mainstream treatments. Frustratingly some treatments and procedures that work go strongly hand in hand with woo treatments that may or may not work. When no one you initially go to for help takes you seriously, or gives you any kind of help and you hear about some thing that worked for some one, you get desperate.  You wander off the beaten path looking for anything that will help.

I’ve been there for several conditions. Related to the same issue, but two different modes of treatment, one for me and one for my kids. When I presented with my issue I was desperate and after asking for help and getting none of the professional variety, I tried whatever I could find. Some of it worked, some of it did not. I tried to be objective and not waste time and money. When I was later told that my issue might be related to something about my children I actually spent a fair amount of money getting one of them treated.  While I think it helped, it disturbs me that there is a lot of woo that goes hand in hand with the treatment. It makes me feel like what is probably a highly valid and useful procedure is some kind of scam. Mainly because of the beliefs of the people buying into it. I feel that though I think I can see some difference, that the procedure or talking about it or doing it puts me on the edge of reasonable. I don’t want to be on the edge of reasonable.

There are variations in people looking for help. There are people like me who are told there is no treatment, or are brushed off with something to ameliorate the symptoms without doing any treating or diagnosing whatsoever and are seeking help wherever it can be found, then there are people who are seeking alternative treatments because of a mistrust in mainstream treatments for whatever reason. One can see how these might come to overlap. I think what I find disturbing is the lack of other people’s critical thinking. If something is not mainstream, but effective,  then that seems to open up the door for other, less effective non-mainstream methods. Because it’s natural, or herbal, or, yikes, homeopathic. The assumption that natural means harmless or risk free is particularly galling to me.

The people who encounter the first and find something that works and then plunge uncritically into the realm of the second is something I find upsetting. That indicates a failure somewhere in the system, either in diagnosing, treating or just basic helping of the patient. I think in most cases it’s not worth it to argue with the person who chooses natural just because (assumption of risk free or harmless).

Myself, when I use an alternate remedy, I am very careful to evaluate cost, perceived effectiveness, as well as any side effects.  I hope I’m doing a good job eliminating any placebo effect. There have been things I really really wanted to work, that simply didn’t pass my cost/benefit worthiness requirements. So I no longer use them. If something is low cost, with low side effects and only works minimally to moderately well I will still use it because there is not significant contraindication to me using it. Conversely, if something is costly (in either time or finances) it needs to work more than moderately well for me to continue using it. I try to feel better about using alternative remedies simply because there are no actual remedies (or none I have access to). But then I feel like I’m just doing it to do something, and that maybe nothing is better than something and I should just stop.  Oh, it’s frustrating.

I was raised on a plethora of hippy-science because my parents were poor, non-science educated, and also of the opinion that natural was better. So part of me finds it particularly galling and yet ironic for me, science educated, sort of critical thinking, to be relying on such natural methods. Not that I’m keen to be pumping my body full of pharmaceuticals, but I would like to have something beyond anecdata and folklore to go on. Clinical trials even, if not double blind randomized. Known side effects. Rates of effectiveness. Stuff like that.

I think the biggest grump for me is that I have to do this without guidance. There’s no one I can really talk to about whether something is working or not, or about any side effects I’m having. That I have to watch out for side effects, gauge effectiveness myself, and all I’m doing is adding to a hidden pile of anecdata that anyone not in the position to need or want to try alternative treatments can write off as an unproven remedy.

She’s going to have a hard time.

My eldest daughter often comes out with statements like “I like boys”, and “I don’t like girls”, and “all my friends are boys”. She’s three for reference. There is very little if any internalized (or otherwise) misogyny in our house, and she loves princesses and mermaids and skirts and shoes and other traditionally girly pursuits so I’ve been trying to figure out where this attitude comes from. I was hesitant at first to go down the pink and purple rabbit hole of having a girl, and honestly I still drag my feet on some designs and accoutrements, but I do accommodate her desire for pretty things. Seems a little early to be feeling down on the female gender.

We had some struggle initially, thanks to the failure of children’s book writers, getting her to understand that she was a girl and not a boy, but she seems happy to be a girl now. She also likes having a sister, and has requested that any future babies also be sisters (though she wants them to be black, as in the colour, not the colloquial term for racial characteristics, so who knows). It’s not coming from home, so this has to be coming from daycare. I have also noticed that other little girls at daycare are interested in her, greeting her and wanting to play with her, but when she talks about other kids at daycare, she talks about the boys. I think that it’s simply that the things she likes to do are the things that some of the boys like to do as well. The girls have impressed on her that bugs are yucky so she gamely tries out screams at the sight of them (but she likes bugs, and snakes and spiders), but the boys have no such compunctions. Similarly she likes rough and outside play within reason. The other girls do not seem to, so again, the boys are her natural companions.

On the other hand, she’s also bossy. I guess for maximum female empowerment you are supposed to say that girls are good leaders rather than bossy, but no. She’s just bossy. She orders people around and doesn’t take kindly to people not doing what she wants. She rarely asks why about anything. Instead she decides how things are going to go, or how she thinks they should go and informs you of this. Bossy, see? Perhaps that’s why she prefers boys over girls. Who knows, perhaps the boys submit to her orders and the girls argue back. Hence: I like boys.

She’s also an extrovert in a house with two introverted parents. Bad luck, eh? Well, I guess. I mean she is really bad about entertaining herself and desperately does not like to do things alone. Even Thing 2 is more of an introvert than Thing 1.  So instigator of activities, bossy, requires constant social interaction, physically active. We were only half-joking when we thought she might grow up to do something totally unrelatable to us like human resources, or corporate team builder. It’s going to be rough for her I think. Possibly just because I’m not telling her what she should like, but I see the parents of other girls determining what their daughters like. In some ways because the ways she is and the activities she likes are unrelatable for me.

All this consternates me. I feel like she’s going to have a hard time because of just existing as a girl. Though I think I would think that no matter what type of girl she was. I remember intensely disliking being a girl, but I was seven or eight and had already been bluntly encountering anti-girl sentiment and I remember feeling how intensely unfair it was to be a girl. How I would much rather be a boy because they could do anything and I couldn’t do what I wanted to do. I want her to know that there’s as many ways of being a girl as there are girls and not grow up thinking she is different/better than the other girls because she doesn’t conform to some female ideal. My husband is often frustrated at traditional male pursuits, and feels like he doesn’t belong to the boys club as he doesn’t know about sports or cars and wasn’t taught to throw or catch a ball. I never felt like I fit in as a girl, not being thin, or looking right, or wanting to do the right things. For me my troubles with girlhood were more external or appearance based, but for her I worry that they will be more internal. So she can get along until she has to struggle with herself about what she thinks and believes.

I sort of feel because I’m purposefully leaving things open-ended for her that things are going to be harder figuring things out as she goes, rather than at some unspecified point later.  I think it upsets me that now that I sort of have this whole being a female thing sort of figured out, knowing what is mostly bullshit, and what is useful, that I’m unsure how much, if any, of what I know and can teach her will be useful to the kind of girl she will be. Seriously though, it’s likely that no matter what it’s just hard. Being human can be tough.

 

Working, or not

Right now I have a fantastic job. I get to do what I am trained for, I have lovely people to work with. The company is pretty good too. Sure I am sometimes bored and don’t always have enough to do, but I really enjoy my job and the break it gives me from mom-life. Soon though we are going to move, for a multitude of very good reasons, and I am becoming increasingly sad about leaving my job and what that will mean. I keep reminding myself that us moving is logically a good thing and really the only con, other than the (significant) hassle of moving, is leaving my job. I remind myself of that especially when my husband says that we could stay just for my job. I’m not sure if I believe he means it. It’s also a frustrating thing to hear because A. we’ve left my work for reasons related to him before (and I’m mostly ok with it these days because life turned out ok, but I was sad for a time) and B. I’m not the primary earner and my job does effectively come second to everything. Sadly, as the primary care giver to the kids because of my non-primary earner status, my job is more like a hobby that I get paid for. I’m first choice for kid sickness duty, errands and so on.

In short I would really feel guilty if I did make us stay. No one would be happy including me.

In looking around for work at our new location (we have been planning for a while) I certainly see things I could do that are full time. Did I forget to mention part of what makes my job so fabulous is that it is part time with the option to change my hours? So yeah, fulltime is easy enough to come by. Now, I’m not looking at this from any kind of financial perspective, because I have privileged people problems and I don’t need to work. Essentially my job needs to cover child care and a bit extra. But full time means I do give up daytime activities with my kids, and I think more importantly, fulltime means I would lose some ability to cook proper dinners. Right now at 60%, or 3 full days per week, I premake a lot of food and dish it out and heat it up on my work days. Small children don’t want to wait for me to cook something. I could do without tanties at the kitchen gate. Not that what I make gets eaten with great gusto or anything, because uuurgh, picky kids,  but I do like making food for my family.  It seems like a small thing but apparently it’s big enough to have me considering not working at all. Another factor is of course the days I work I feel so rushed. I get home, feed kids and prepare their daycare bags for the next day and then we have about an hour or so before it’s getting toward bedtime for them, then bedtimes and then bedtime for me. Right now three days in a row of that has me ready to be done by the end of the third day. I don’t think five days of that would be great. Then the weekend rolls around and I spend all of Saturday catching up on the house stuff I didn’t do the three days I was working so the weekend is not very relaxing in any way.

My other option is not working at all. Right now if we have a 3+ day weekend that cuts into one of my work days and I end up with five or more days off I start to get very antsy. On my regular four days without work (weekend and 2 weekdays), we do at least one out of the house toddler activity on a weekday and a family activity on the weekend. I don’t feel like I would cope well with no work days. I find  working is also very important for my mental health. I think if I did do this things would have to be very regimented and planned out in advance so we had a schedule all the time. Of course the no working at all is bad in other ways. If I get a sizeable career gap I will have a much harder time finding work in the future. This concerns me because of our plans to have a further baby. I could be looking at  at least 18 months where starting a  new job is not feasible (9 months of pregnancy and 9 months of baby care before back to work). If I had a job before this it would be different, but it’s a tricky time to be job hunting. Or baby making. I do plan to go back to work full time at some point when the kids are older and all in school, but not when they are toddlers and preschoolers. And of course with me not working we won’t have my extra income. It’s not much after daycare and travel expenses, but it is nice to have.

Right now I just plan to keep looking for new work. I have a kinda-sorta request in for transfer, but realistically I’m 0.6 of a job so it’s not impossible, but not likely either. I have a fantastic CV and experience, so I’ll be a good contender for anything I apply for.

Traditions: Halloween

This is the first in a small series on Traditions. Since we live far away from all our family we are free to reinvent any and all of our family and holiday traditions.

I loved Halloween as a kid. Favourite holiday hands down. New Zealand does not love Halloween.

I’ve seen people talk about how they leave their sprinklers on all night, leave their dog tied to the gate and so on. To me it’s similar to people blithely talking about kicking puppies. I’m horrified that people hate it so much.

Arguments I have heard against it:

Why are we teaching our kids it’s ok to beg for candy from strangers when we teach them the rest of the time that candy and talking to strangers is not ok? First of all, just what?The idea that it’s begging baffles me honestly.  But Christmas and presents are ok, and celebrating Guy Fawkes is A-OK? Nah, that argument is feeble.

It’s American commercialism being forced on us. It’s about  the least commercial holiday I can think of and the DIY option has always been popular for costumes and yard decorations. Candy not so much, but it’s nothing compared to Christmas, Easter (present baskets are a common thing now, it’s not just eggs and candy), or Valentines Day.

It’s not seasonal. Valid, but yeah, neither is Easter and that’s a 4 day weekend here where things are significantly less religious than the US.

People aren’t used to it so it can be alarming, especially for older people. This is one I can respect. I’m not about to go foisting my preference for Halloween on unsuspecting people. If/when we do get to a point or neighborhood where trick or treating seems ok I will be doing the send a letter around with balloons people can put on their mailboxes if they want to participate thing. I like the idea of letting people opt in.

So suffice to say it’s not really a thing here and while it’s trying to catch on (driven by a retailer or two)  it seems a lot of people are strongly opposed to it. So that sucks. For the first few years of Thing 1’s life we could get by with not really doing anything because there was (and is) nothing much to do and she was little and didn’t know about it. So mostly I was just sad that it’s not acceptable to dress up, and that trick or treating is frowned upon.

Anyhow, this year is different. I’m cautiously excited that we can do something and I won’t have to be sad that I’m ignoring my favourite holiday because it’s not done here. In her three year old wisdom, Thing 1 has cottoned on that Halloween is a thing. And she is excited (because it’s awesome!). So if we lived somewhere trick or treating friendly we would do that. But we do not. I’m not even sure if there are any trunk or treat or other activities on. I’ve seen some non scary costume school fairs and an Indian light show thing (Diwali) that people around here think is somehow equivalent or related (I don’t get it), but nothing free or casual like trick or treating. So she will dress up for daycare.

But what about the candy? Thing 1 came up a few weeks ago with the gem that the monster under her bed would leave her candy. At first I was all D’aww, how cute and misunderstood. Then I thought about it and decided it was a cute idea I could implement. So I have some little pumpkin buckets with a small amount of candy and some glow sticks in them. I will leave them under her bed and she can find them in the morning of Halloween. I think it’s a neat new tradition.

Have to have two for jealousy control.