I feel like the fundamental thing my husband doesn’t get about me having children is how I have to deal with my body being a big pile of fail. I mean, yes I gestate them adequately, no major issues there, but birthing and feeding just make me feel
kind of worthless since things don’t work right there. I’m not sure men commonly go through anything similar unless they have a medical problem that Drs will diagnose. I mean, the only thing that comes to mind that’s even slightly comparable is sperm count or something. But even with that there’s not the sneering sanctimommy business to contend with. Or some equivalent. I mean, yeah ok with fertility issues in general there’s the people who say to just relax and it will happen, but are there actually a sizable contingent of people saying, in regards to sperm count, that you could try harder or that you did something wrong like there are with mother issues?
I mean I’ve recently been frustrated because I can’t go to just any breastfeeding group because my problems are not solvable, just manageable, and management means judgement. So there’s no group I can go to anywhere near me, and on top of that I have to just be really careful about talking to people about it, like at all. Internet, in person, medical people (who rightly should help, but often can’t /don’t). I have to really watch what I say and I hate being so guarded. So no in person support, which means I get to stew at home. Gosh, good thing I taught myself what to do the first time around when no one would help me!! /s I mean, it’s more acceptable to talk to random people about vaginal discharge than it is my breastfeeding issues. Or at least no one is going to berate me and tell me it’s my fault my vagina isn’t discharging in the commonly accepted way.
I’m having some dad jealousy I guess. I feel like they don’t have to watch what they say, watch who they talk to about parenting stuff. Or at least not nearly as much. Yeah, ok, there’s a bad media presence about what dads can manage, so it comes off that anything they do is amazing, which sucks. So, yeah, there can be other social issues, but I guess (not being a dad) I don’t feel they are as pervasive. I don’t want to start a not all men sort of thing. I know there are issues for men too, but I just don’t see them as being as significant or pervasive in the majority of situations.
If a mother has an issue with feeding, carrying, birthing, or anything to do with raising a child there will be someone to be shitty about it to her. Do people lecture/guilt dads about how their kids are fed or anything?
I mean maybe my husband is getting judged for not having a stay at home wife (by his peers with stay at home wives), but he doesn’t see it that way because he’s proud of me/my job, so it’s not an issue. But he didn’t really start off parenthood with this big bag of insecurity and total shock at not working right and having people be all up in his business about it so, bleh.